I know Y'all have just been holding your breaths for this one... So I will get it done now, and we can all get on with our lives!
Place one fresh or defrosted beef roast in crockpot. Glug on some Angostura Bitters and rock salt to season. Surround it with whole peeled onions, plenty of fresh mushrooms, sliced carrots, crushed garlic, whole pimentoes (or something hotter if you like!), etc.
Then add either a can of mushroom soup mixed with water to cover everything, OR some dried lentils and a can of crushed tomatoes with liquid to cover everything.
Don't forget to glug some wine in, too, but do a taste-test to make sure it is GOOD wine! Of course, if you are doing this first thing in the morning before you go to work, be sure to brush your teeth.
I once made this with a roast that was FROZEN SOLID, and it was fine. My grandmother would roll over in her grave if she knew, though she wouldn't mind about the wine.