travel wasnt always this perfect...

I'm back! I'm back!

It was great.

We sang "I used to live in a telephone booth" in a real telephone booth, "Growltiger's last stand" while walking along the Thames, "Chelsea morning" while going through Chelsea on the bus, "They're changing guards at Buckingham Palace" at Buckingham Palace with Ailis (pronounced Alice), and a very silly song called "That Beep Song" which we made up on the spot. Sam soon stopped trying to make us hush and joined in, holding hands and skipping along with us.

I don't know where to begin with the tales of our trip, so for now I'll take you back... Waay back, to the time I flew to Sally's wedding in Atlanta. I was heading there for the weekend, and first got onto an absolutely packed flight to Miami. I had the luck to be seated right at the back of the plane, squashed between an enormously fat man who sat on the aisle seat, and had given me a lavicious look and tried to strike up a conversation; and a handsome Venezuelan. I immediately pretended to be asleep. Best way to avoid lavicious seatmates. They both fell asleep as soon as the flight got under way.

I thought a nap was an excellent idea, but I HAD TO PEE! I didn't really want to wake Fat Man, who was snoring gently, thereby risking a conversation, but I thought "I know! I will just hold on to the back of his seat, and the back of the seat in front, and hop over into the aisle!"

Wasn't that a great idea? It went just fine. Braced between the two seats, I put the weight on my arms and swung gracefully over, hopping into the aisle. I felt very pleased with myself.

When I got back, Handsome Venezuelan was awake. He must have wondered where on earth I was, for he gave me a "So THERE you are!" look. "How did you get out?" He whispered.

An air hostess (cabin crewperson? Flight crewbeing?) must have wondered too, as she spotted me getting ready to get back into my seat.

"Like this." I said, and with a flourish, put my hands back onto the seat backs. I swung up and was in midair when the dude in the seat in front leaned forward. The seat moved an inch or two, enough to make me lose my groove and fall on my ass INTO THE LAP of Fat Man, arms and legs up in the air.

Yes, it was me.

Well, he wasn't about to sleep through that. I apologised profusely, and the only thing that kept me from dying of embarrassment was the fact that my circumstances of death would probably be publicized. Fat Man sort of grunted and went back to sleep, obviously not wanting to risk conversation with an obvious nutcase.

Handsome Venezuelan was not rolling in the aisle with laughter, but ONLY because he was wedged into his seat. When Fat Man quickly went back to sleep, he started giggling all over again, "You should have seen it! I have NEVER seen anything so funny!" as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Eventually I had to laugh too, but I was glad there were so few witnesses!

Since then, my travel karma has been pretty good. No disasters or lost luggage, no embarrassing moments. Well, not THAT embarrassing! What about you? Tell all, internetties!


Anonymous said…
I'm glad you had a great time, and doubly glad you're back. I really missed you.
What you bring me?
Anonymous said…
That's the best travel story I've heard in a long time! ROFL! More, please.
GirlBlue said…
DON'T EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN *sniffles loudly*
Candygirlflies said…
Welcome home!! Missed you muchly.

How did everyone and everything else fare in your absence???

xo CGF
Unknown said…
Welcome back, Traveller. And yes, girlblue has been a mess, lately - but I don't think it was ALL instigated by your absence. But we're glad you're back, anyway.
Theresa said…


P.S. I read ''They're changing guards at Buckingham Palace'' almost every day for the baby!
Anonymous said…
Welcome home and I'm glad you had fun! That story about landing in the fat man's lap is too funny. I can well imagine--as well as the shame of doing so in front of a handsome Venezuelan. Hah!
Meg said…

why couldn't it be the handsome Venezuelans lap?

glad you had some laughs.