Dear Son,

Dear Son,

Did you know that when you pee first thing in the morning, it sprays out in a fan shape straight up in the air? All over the bathroom? How could you have not noticed this? Do you have any idea how all this dirt got onto the wall? Hmm, me neither. It appears to be one of those mysterious, unexplainable things. Why is there toothpaste on the dog? Ah.

No, "caveman" is not a viable career option. Yes, you can be a garbage man if you want to. Oh! What a pretty collage! .... Umm... Where did you get those beads?

Please do not download any more poker games onto my Blackberry. Because I said so.

If you're going to kill each other, do it outside so blood doesn't get on the furniture. There. See? Press on it till the bleeding stops.

We are not leaving for the party until you have underwear on. No you don't, it is still on your bed. I know, invisible aliens with magic powers must have removed your boxers from under your jeans when you weren't looking! Careful unzipping your .... Ow. That's gotta hurt.


Anonymous said…
Maybe Sean can teach him how to manage the morning wood?
I love this letter!
Nan Sheppard said…
*sigh* yes. Sean also tries to explain that as I am so outnumbered, I should put the seat UP when I am done for the convenience of the wood-weilders. Very hilarious, no?
Unknown said…
HA! Boys suck, don't they? I'll never get used to having pee sprayed all over my bathroom!
Anonymous said…
You know, Abel used to pee like that. I mentioned it casually one day to his ped, and he ended up having a surgery to enlarge the opening to his penis which enabled him to aim beautifully.
Nan Sheppard said…
PlanetNomad, it seems to be purely a half-asleep morning thing. The rest of the day they are fine!
Ndinombethe said…
Zac's not so bad but one of his friends who sleeps over most weekends is dreadful. I stumble in to the bathroom half asleep, usually not even bothering to turn the light on - there goes my morning - nothing quite like someone else's pee all over your ass first thing in the morning!

My ranting is paying off - saw him wiping the seat this weekend :)