Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Angst and the Suspicious Parent

"Denial is not just a river in Africa" -Oprah. (I think!)

Bloggy friends, if someone told you something bad about your child, would you immediately believe them? or would you say, "It's just not possible"?

I believed them. I spent months trying to get to the bottom of it.

But the accusations weren't true.

What is worse, letting your child get away with lies and wrongdoing because you love them and trust them completely, or looking askance at them and trying to catch them in a lie when they have been telling the truth all along?

Parenthood. It ain't easy.

10 comments:

Islandgirl said...

This sounds like a story for over tea. I think a little bit of half and half is the answer...unfortunately we sometimes pick the wrong half.

Kids don't come with an instruction manual!

Theresa said...

I think if you are honest with your kids then it doesn't matter if you were right or wrong.

But I only just started this gig... I don't know jack.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh man, I think it's better to believe the other person--even if they're wrong, it allows for a good discussion about impressions. It's a good lesson to be on the receiving end of a false accusation--so long as you allow room for a kid to regain your trust. I always ask questions that start like this: "Why would Mrs. Smith tell me that you _______?" It goes pretty well from there.
Hugs. Parenting is NEVER easy.

planetnomad said...

I have done both...believed my child was wrong when he was right, and believed he was right when he was right. Parenting's a mix. It's good that we can tell our kids we're sorry when we screw up. And, after all, baggage is inevitable--our goal is to keep it to a minimum. Give him a hug; it's not irreparable.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

Oh that sucks. I am under no delusion that my children are perfect. But I think I know them well enough to know whether they have lied to me.

This situation is terrible. WHY would someone do that? I hope it was just a misunderstanding and not malicious.

LceeL said...

I always made it a point to make sure my kids knew I would never lie to them. And that I expected the same from them. And that the worst thing you could do to me is disappoint me.

Life As I Know It said...

I don't know the answer, but I do know that you are 100% right about the motherhood gig not being easy...

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, gawd. How yucky is that? I agree with Theresa in that you can tell your child that you're sorry you didn't believe them and parents make mistakes too. (Stress rarely! ;-) )

Nan said...

Thanks guys... We're big on telling the truth here, and I have always stressed how important it is. Doing something wrong and owning up is not nearly as bad as telling lies, in my book! I am glad that I didn't punish my boy, or rant at him. I accepted his story, but I just didn't believe in him entirely and he knew it.

Hugs are definitely in order!

Wacky Mommy said...

I'm pretty good at the hairy eyeball, Look into my eyes! Tell me...

And the truth will out. My mom still says she WISHES I would fib to her sometimes, and why must I tell the Internets everything? She does not get the compulsive honesty.

We have more of a problem here with people who want/expect my kids to be a certain way to meet their own needs. It's become an issue, because my kids aren't all, uh, West Coast like I am. "Hiiiiii! Oh my gosh, so good to see you guys!" etc. They're kind of cool and aloof. Which is fine.

I do think we need to work more on fibbing and little white lies around here.