Sunday, 6 December 2009

Homesickness

When I was ten or eleven, I came to England all by myself. It was a blast! I felt so grown-up and played with my cousins and went and bought junk with my English money. Whenever I felt cold, Granny Margo made me go out and skip. I had a helium balloon, one of those silver ones, and took it outside to see it "deflate" and then inside where it "inflated", proving to me that air expands when it's heated. I ate A LOT of chocolate. I fed sugar cubes to a horse. I got family heirloom jewellery. I wore a plaid skirt, braided my hair so that it frizzed when it was unbraided, and wore warm socks. It was an awesome experience.

One afternoon, my dad called. On hearing his voice, all crackly and far-away, I burst into tears. I tried to say "I'm fine, I'm happy, I don't know why I'm crying" or even "Hello", but I was beyond speaking. I had to hand the phone to my baffled grandmother, and go and have a good cry.

Max says "I'm really sad. But I'm really happy. I want to live here, I love here. I love having two places that are home... But I'm so sad. Why is it so sad?"

I know, I know. I see it in the kids. They are happy, but they need to fuss about nothing sometimes. It's so hard to feel sadness and loss when you feel you shouldn't. We talk about it, how we love our home in Trinidad and miss it. But sad and happy is really hard to describe, isn't it?

I think that most of all, we miss our friends. We all do. Yesterday the boys Skyped their cousin Michael and spent an hour giggling, showing drawings, sharing youtube funny cat clips, talking about the skate park and remembering when. I know that the homesickness goes both ways: our friends miss us, too.

At this time of year, when we would normally expect our friends to have us around or drop in at a moment's notice, it's harder that usual to not miss them.

WE MISS YOU!

10 comments:

Grandmother said...

This is such a good description of the "happy" of living in a new place and the "sad" of missing the old place. You're doing the right thing- just talk about all the conflicting feelings. And give and get lots of hugs! Love to you all.

Rory said...

This morning, it is softly raining. The Sun is bright as it lifts up through the Poui trees and every leaf has a Jewel on it's tip.
Sparkling, glittering, flashing and shimmering.
The only thing missing is Laughter and Blur of Boys zipping by.
Miss you too.

Islandgirl said...

great.. now I'm crying! :(

Happy for you..but crying cause we miss you

chickenfootsouseforthesoul said...

I love you, Dad. See you sooooon! Sharon, thank heaven for Skype!

chickenfootsouseforthesoul said...

Ooops, just commented as Sean!

Nan

Hollywood Farm Films said...

Oh I am sooo homesick too! I couldn't wait to get out of Orange County California. I love living in the country. My farm house is way better than Leggo Land...so...... WHY ON EARTH DO I MISS IT SOO MUCH DURING THE HOLIDAYS?? WAHHHHH

chickenfootsouseforthesoul said...

I love and miss you too Ror..
Sean !

Rory said...

Ah! Chickenfoot.
Thanks. See you in a few>>>>>>>>
Pappy.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Of all the illnesses, that is a terrible one. How do you cure homesickness? I wish I knew.

Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel :(

T.