Right Back Atcha, Sparrows

Sometimes, life just sucks.

In the old, old days, I used to write in a diary. It was good, and cathartic, and therapeutic, and all. I think I like writing on my blog most though, because I have TERRIBLE HANDWRITING which sometimes I can't read. And I like the tappity-tap noise of the keys. I'm just used to it. And I love the input and hilarious comments from readers. This blog has always been public, read by cousins and friends and next door neighbours, which is the opposite of a diary. Which is PRIVATE. Even if you had a little brother and little cousins who would find it and read it, giggling, and drive you mad, the point is, they were NOT SUPPOSED TO.

Obviously, I am thinking, I should just start a secret blog! But I know I won't, because the internet is actually not secret, duh. And, all of my whining would not ever be a secret or a surprise to any woman out there who has been where I am. It's just boring general life-sucks whining, and nothing you've never heard before from your friend, or your sister, or your self. It's not even that interesting. Certainly not Soap Opera material. Not the kind of stuff I enjoy reading or writing. Just a slow end to one of the frustratingly predictable cycles of my life. My internet friends and real friends and loved ones, let's just say that right now, I am not feeling my best. The year of the Water Dragon has come along and sloshed the muddy water of the Heilongjiang River all over my sparkle. I invited it to. This is my own doing.

But I figure, mud makes excellent compost. Nothing's going to keep this lady down for long.

Meanwhile, my sparrows are eating their way through yet another feeder of seeds. Without so much as a thank you. Ungrateful beasts! Where are all the blue tits, who flitted about so sweetly? Have the sparrows chased them away? Do they prefer the feeder when it's higher up in the tree? Is my birdseed not good enough for them? Have they flown South? I hear it's even freezing in Italy. We have still had no snow here though, and I am grateful for that!


Anonymous said…
Every now and then I toy with having a totally anonymous blog where I can just spill it all out there without fear of reprisal.
I get it.
Candygirlflies said…
Oh... hon. I know where you're coming from. I tried the "secret blog" thing during the midst of my personal crisis a few years ago, and to be honest... putting the "crap out to flap" wasn't nearly as free-ing as I thought it would be.

My other half is an earth sign. I am a water sign. Together, we make mud. It happens. Especially in February.

But, cheer up! The seasons will turn... "Oh, to be in England" and all that!! Your spring will arrive much sooner than ours!!!

Love to you-- xoxo CGF

ps. my word verification is "hallyho". Hee.
aclare said…
Don't worry. A little ray of sunshine is coming your way this weekend and it is enough to brighten even the darkest, murkiest of waters. No one can stay sad / mad for long with her about!
Anonymous said…
I dreamt last night that I was baking and cooking up a storm, cookies, tarts, ice-cream...and that you dropped by on a bicycle, then k dropped by, then r dropped by, then s, f, k and l dropped by, etc. etc. and soon we had a roaring party going on!
Okay either you're going to be having loads of fun writing soon or I need to be in my kitchen more often...or not...


Unknown said…
From what I hear, yes, they have blue tits in Italy. However, it will get warmer.
Sometimes life just sucks.

And you know what? If you don't acknowledge it, then you are delusional.

Wacky Mommy said…
i spill it all (or should i say, mostly all) in hand-written journals. i've told my family and friends that they are not to be read in-case-of-my-untimely-demise -- they are to be tossed into a bonfire.

I go through the old ones every few years and pull out anything I might use for my fiction -- the rest gets shredded, torn to bits or burned. (I get, at most, 3-5 pages from each journal that i would consider "usable." FB and blogs give us the illusion of... what? Many things. But they don't always provide it.
Nan Sheppard said…
Thanks, guys... You are awesome.
Unknown said…
I completely understand where you're coming from Nan, being the excellent escape artist that I am,I created two blogs, using one to write all the pretty stuff and one which I called my dark side blog. In the end it wasn't a very good decision that I made. My dark and light sides are all a part of me and a rant/vent/wallow in despair blog served me for only a short while.

Every now and then it's good to express even our negative emotions in a creative way. Yell and scream (or type furiously) if you have to and get all the muddy stuff out. As you say, mud makes excellent compost.

You are a fabulous write and your work here is very inspiring to many.

I took an unwelcome hiatus from blogging mainly because of bottled up angst and lack of trust in myself and what I can create. Now that I've pushed myself to write again, I've merged my two blogs into one and I'm hopeful that it's a healthy choice for me.

You're doing fine. Keep up the good work.


WV: Resee :)
Islandgirl said…
When life gives you mud, remember mud packs make for great facials! A good wallow makes us feel all shiney new again when we wash it all off. Think about how you feel right after showering off all the J'Ouvert mud...totally reborn!

or you can make mudslides and share with a friend ;-) Sending hugs. And instead of writing why don't you paint it instead..one is worth a thousand words and is easier on the eyes than chicken scratch.