I Went On Holiday And Brought Back A Paunch

Since we came to England, I've been eating... differently. You know, nice chocolate. Lots of coffee and tea. Double cream. Chocolate Volcano Cake made from scratch (curse you, Wacky Mommy!) with ice cream. The last week, a half-term holiday here, has been worse: huge breakfast fryups ending in croissants and a blueberry muffin. Long, long lunches of several courses, where by the time you get to the yummy cheeses, you have digested the first course and you suddenly have room again for those last few lonely pieces of prosciutto. Tea, with cream please. Supper, enormous and divine, along with more wine than the recommended daily allowance and followed by large helpings of apple-berry crumble and MORE DOUBLE CREAM.

One problem with eating so much is that there is no way you can exercise at any point because you are TOO FULL all the time. After supper, it's all you can do to drag yourself to the living room floor, snuggle your toes under a warm friendly animal or human, and watch the entire first season of "The Muppet Show". Contrary to popular belief, laughing till you cry does not burn enough calories to count. (My sister and I laughed so much her fiance threatened to call off the wedding. He tried to tell a joke "These two bats..."

"Walked into a bar?" sez my sister.

"No, silly, FLEW into a bar" sez I. And we fell about in hysterics. We calmed down enough to say "Sorry, sorry, please tell us the joke. Come on. Two bats..."

"Fly into a bar..." and we were off again. It's that bad.

And Dan walked off in disgust to find some men to talk to. My sister and I cannot fold a towel together without getting the giggles. We never did find out what happened to the two bats.)

My jeans have been getting tighter. And now, when I suck in, my tummy still sticks out. Disaster! It's time for drastic action. Yoga. Smaller portions. Muesli for breakfast. Situps, even. I feel sluggish, like I've finally overdone it. I don't like feeling like this. But man, it was worth it. What a holiday. Thanks, family! I love you guys.