I'm Taking Back All The Nice Things I Said About Spring

Ladies and gents, it's another Baby Bottle Scandal! Yet another reason to breastfeed.

What happened to Spring, huh? All the pretty flowers are being battered by howling wind and yucky rain, do you call that planning? Who's in charge here?

And over on GNM Parents,I'm contemplating my nose hair, because we're all about quality writing around here.

In other news, I have been staying up way too late playing with Microsoft's Small Business and Publisher package. I was lucky: When Dell replaced my motherboard, Microsoft thought I was a new user, and I got a free trial and then 50% off. So I am happy. I love Publisher, it makes the Newsletter I'm producing for the NCT easily do-able. These programs work for me.

Outlook Express, however, is giving me wrinkles, cellulite and high blood pressure. I need to get it all set up before I can send mass emails to advertisers and such, and my pop is not popping, or something. Never fear, I will figure it all out! Once it's set up, it promises to revolutionize the way I email. Considering how technologically unaware I am, I'm lucky I haven't melted something.

We'll have a full house this weekend, and MUCH CHOCOLATE! I hope your weekend is as good, and your chocolate as plentiful.

If He Grows Up To Be A Psychopath, It's All My Fault

We bought a smoothie maker this weekend! This has filled the whole family with joy!

Up till early last week, the boys (and Sean) had been making smoothies with gusto, using the hand-held blender and a smallish pyrex jug. Yes, fellow mothers of the world, I can hear your collective gasp of sympathetic horror. I have spent many an afternoon unsticking minor appliances from where they’ve been glued to the counter with dried exploded banana-yogurt frappe.

Finally last week I cried “AAAAARGH! NO MORE SMOOTHIES!” and promised the boys that I would buy a proper blender, with anti-explosive action. And on Saturday I did! We’ve been pretty much on a liquid diet since then. I have an extended shopping list now including frozen strawberries, large plain yogurt, extra ice trays...

The Smoothie Maker (we got a Kenwood, but the Hamilton Beach one looks like the same thing) is a complete success. After one tutorial the boys have got the hang of it. It has good safety features so that no-one blends themselves, and comes with two handy cup-attachments and travel lids for instant smoothie enjoyment. Just be sure to lay down some ground rules which may not be included in the instructions, such as: Do Not Lick The Blender Blades. Apparently this is not obvious to under-thirteens.

I used to make smoothies mostly as a way of getting vitamins into small people. Max was always a no-foodian. He lived on air and light and bananas. And smoothies. Food was just not his thing. This was weird for me, since I am big on food and Chas and Sam used to devour anything that wasn’t actually running away. They would eat a huge meal, and then we’d go to Grandma Fatima’s house where they would look pitifully up at her and say weakly, “Oh, Grandma, we’re so huuuungry!” (Oh, I don’t blame them... Grandma Fats is THE BEST cook! But I’m sure she thought I was starving the little stinkers.) She would exclaim, “My darlings!” and give them mountains of curried chicken, channa and aloo, dhalpouri roti. (Rats, now I’m hungry)

I dealt with Max’s anti-foodism the way most mothers do: I fed him. “One More Bite”, you know the drill. I soon had Getting Food Into Max down to a highly successful fine art.

I’d pick up a spoonful and say, “Heeere’s Mummy, going for a walk, OH! I think I’ll walk to the beach. The sea is so pretty... Wait! Is that a SEA MONSTER?? AAAAAAH!”

And Max the sea monster would eat the innocent hiker. With GUSTO and sea monster sound effects.

Next spoonful: “Heeere’s Daddy... Hmmmmm, where can Mummy be, I think she went to the beach? Oh, Muuuuuummmmeeeeee, are you heeeere?” Sea Monster eats second victim. “Oh nooooo! Don’t EAT me!”

Neighbours and family pets join in the search, only to be devoured one by one by an increasingly enthusiastic sea monster. Cue reporter-style monologue: “Strange disappearances reported on East Coast...”

Eventually, the coast guard is called out: “News Report: It appears that a SEA MONSTER has been terrorizing Mayaro Beach! Our helicopter news crew is on the scene and... wait... AAAAARGH! A helicopter-eating sea monster!!”

“And now the Navy has sent a submarine...”

Eventually, the sea monster has really had enough. He slinks back to his cave at the bottom of the ocean, to digest... and wait... till NEXT TIME! MWAHAHAHAAA!

I think that this was Max’s favourite game, from about age one. No wonder he was such a peculiar toddler, now I think about it. If he grows up to be a psychopathic anarchistic cannibal, I will take full responsibility. 

And Now For Something Controversial...

"I defy the Pope and all his laws. If God spare my life, ere many years, I will cause a boy that driveth the plow to know more of the Scriptures than thou dost." - William Tyndale

My grandfather was excommunicated from the Catholic Church, for divorcing and remarrying. I always thought what a very good and loving man he was, but apparently he deserved to burn in hell because his first wife left him.

My great-great-great-great-however-many-greats-uncle, William Tyndale, was burned at the stake by the Catholic Church, for translating much of the bible, including some of the most beautiful psalms, into English. He thought that everyone should be able to read the bible, which was heresy.

I went to a Catholic wedding once, where the very young bride, hugely pregnant, was lectured at the altar for her sins.

But priests who rape little children? Still, in this century, scot free. NO trial, NO jail, not even a loss of lifestyle. And naturally, they get to go to heaven.

I am so glad I'm not a Catholic... the situation would be too difficult for me.


"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."

Yes, sir.

Book Review Of The Week... uh... Month!

We are totally addicted to Percy Jackson! At first, we thought "Meh, a Harry Potter ripoff", but NO! Percy is a loveable character, the stories are really exciting, and best of all, there are tons of references to the Greek Myths which we love. Zeus and the Gods are in here, misbehaving as usual, and Percy has to sort it all out with the help of his rather unusual friends. I like the fact that Percy is ADD and dyslexic: he has a hard time reading plain English, but Greek is a cinch! And battling mythical monsters, you need to be a little ADD.

Chas and Sam have been reading the series while eating, walking, dressing and even in the bath (we bought these: reading library books in the bath is not allowed...) They cannot put these books down. And I'm on book two. Now, we need to borrow all of the Greek Myths from the Library again, for some more background!

Tales From Hans Christian Andersen, collected by Naomi Lewis, features some of Andersen's lesser-known stories. These Fairy Tales will delight children of all ages. 'The Emperor's Nightingale' is lovely.

The Shining Princess and Other Japanese Legends: By Eric Quayle, beautifully Illustrated by Michael Foreman. We've read several collections of Japanese stories lately, and this was one of our favourites... partly because of the illustrations!

'Danny the Champion of the World', by Roald Dahl. A wonderful story! I remember laughing aloud over this, and the boys love it too.

'Please Mrs Butler', hilarious verses by Allan Ahlberg. Sam in particular has been reading these and giggling:
"Please Mrs. Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps copying my work , Miss.
What shall I do?

Go and sit in the hall, dear.
Go and sit in the sink.
Take your books on the roof, my lamb.
Do whatever you think."

The poems are all about the misadventures of pupils and teachers... a great gift for teachers in your life, and fun for reading aloud to your school-age boys and girls.

We're also on to book three in the Narnia Stories: Prince Caspian (it's three if you read 'The Magician's Nephew' first) (which I recommend doing, if you've seen the movies) This is the millionth time we're reading this series, but Max doesn't remember them well and Chas and Sam are loving the re-telling. We usually read another (short) story and then a chapter or two of Narnia. Depending on our mood. This makes storytime lengthy, but by the end of it, everyone's ready to sleep. Including me!

Defiance: Beauty and the Droop

Celebrating My Birthday!

I Thought It Was Supposed To Be SPRING?

So, what, it doesn't just get all permanently warm and sunny on March 21st?

Weather here is weird. On Saturday it was rainy, grey, cold and miserable. On Sunday it was SUNNY and NICE and we went to the beach and even took our long-sleevies off! Yes, folks, for one brief, exciting moment, there were T-Shirts on the beach. Bare feet. Ice cream!

And now it's all rainy, grey, cold (coooooooollllldddd...) and miserable again.

Sigh!

Tiny Cousins Visit

My cousin's wife Joanna is here this weekend, with her two toddlers. They are so sweet! They are so bright! And oh, how I feel for their lovely, tired mama!

A while back I wrote about how nice it is to hang out with other people's babies now that my own are big and reasonably self-sufficient. I really enjoy these little ones! We went to swim in an indoor pool today, and Oscar and I kicked our legs and blew bubbles and he was just squealing with joy and delight! The look of nervous apprehension when he was lowered into the water lasted for one second, and then he swam "LOOK AT ME SWIMMING! CAN YOU SEE ME KICKING?" for an hour. Oscar said "Don't let me go", and I told him "I will not let you go, unless you say it's okay." Five minutes later, we were practising letting go, floating for just one terrifying second with only his armbands holding him up. He's such a brave boy.

The big boys swam laps and enjoyed being weightless... we haven't swum in months!

Everyone's going to sleep really, really well tonight!

Co-Sleeping? You Could WIN! Two Posts In One Day, And A Giveaway!

You KNOW I'm crazy about Co-Sleeping and The Family Bed!


And so are the people at the Co-Sleeping Survey, "Promoting safe co-sleeping, family bed safety, and night-time parenting". They are looking for YOUR stories of sleeping in a Family Bed, and you could WIN! The seven prospective winners will have their story included in the book, "Are you Co-Sleeping? Me, Too!". The top essayist will win the Dr. approved bed-sharing aid, The Humanity Family Sleeper, a U.S. $200.00 value! 


Read on, for details:

 "Entries need to be received by March 23rd 2010.  Winners will be chosen and announced by April 1st. The grand prize will be delivered to the winning entrant before April 20th.  Contestants need to log their entries at   the Co-Sleeping Essay Entry form HERE.

 More about the survey and it's creation...

 Modern society has worked tirelessly at isolating, ostracizing, and condemning bed-sharing families.  That very negativity created the fuel source, and  parents who had been hurt stood up for themselves.  By logging in at  www.co-sleepingsurvey.com these families created a number that can not be refuted.  In the process, men and women alike left strong comments that painted a very clear picture...We love bed-sharing!  Those comments were compiled and the “you are not alone” book emerged. The book has been completed but, true to it's "participant created nature", we wanted to offer you and your readers  the opportunity to be included!  The book, “Are You Co-sleeping? Me Too!” is not another doctor written, scientifically scrubbed, manual of  “how to” or “why to”.  Significantly, it’s a community of peers who relayed from the heart their very personal experience.  We all know that a friend’s kind voice resonates a very powerful message.  Through this book, parents who are currently experiencing, or have experienced negativity about their bed-sharing will easily be able to find community and acceptance.  So, in the spirit of Mahatma Gandhi, many voices will be heard in unison!


Essay guidelines…
Essays (250 words or less) should focus on the writer’s personal experience with one of the following topics.  Bloggers are also invited to enter their own essays.  There are no international boundaries, all countries are invited to enter.  Prizes will be shipped for free (essays need to be in English).

Essays should be on ONE of the following topics:

1.    Oppression or negativity they received (Mother-in-law, parents, media, doctors, general society).
2.    How bed-sharing enriched their parenting experience.
3.    How bed-sharing helped breastfeeding (extended duration, adverse physical limitations, etc.).
4.    How they got better sleep.
5.    A Dad’s perspective, written by a Dad.
6.    How it saved their child’s life.
7.    How they intended to use a crib, and chose not to.

The 7 winning essays will be included in the book (the blog name associated with the entry will be listed as well).  "Are You Co-Sleeping? Me Too!" will be ready for delivery before April 10th!"


I know that my readers are also great writers (judging by your hilarious and wonderful comments!) so get writing, and you may win something useful and family bed-friendly for yourself or a loved one. 

I AM Managing To Squeeze In Some Other Writing...

A couple of weeks ago, I asked my fellow mad breastfeeders to tell me what they thought made us all breastfeed for over a year. I got such a wonderful response! A condensed version of what everyone said is HERE at GNM Parents.

Thank you so much, everyone who wrote in. I hope that this information can be put to good use... I'll try to see that the right people see it!

All is well around here, I have been really busy but in a good way, and good, positive things seem likely to happen to us... my fingers are crossed, and all good vibes and positive visualization will be much appreciated!

On Old Ladies And Cubed Sugar

Today, my aunty Carole and I took Margo to an Antique Shop "Strip" in Boscombe. I luuuuurve antique shops, I have to avoid them like the plague or I'll end up with a house packed with knick-knacks and other people's memorabilia. Boscombe has a dozen antique shops and you can wander from one to another for a happy morning's browsing.

Margo bought some tea-plates. I said "I AM NOT BUYING ANYTHING" and then bought some tiny sugar-cube tongs, silver, with a little monk on them. I couldn't resist. I wish I could take a picture, but Sean has the camera... (I neeeed a new camera!)

My other grandmother, 'Dan' (for Gran!) once had the Archbishop (in Trinidad) around for tea (the story goes), and everything was perfect, genteel and colonial and terribly polite. Dan poured the perfect tea into perfect cups without spilling a drop, picked up the bowl of sugar cubes (brought in on the last ship from London) and her tiny tongs, and asked, "How many Lords, my Lump?"

Hence the Monk sugar tongs. In our house, we keep sugar cubes for the memory, and we've been using our fingers. Now we can use proper tongs, and  ask one another, "How many Lords?" And now, you'll know why we're giggling!

It's Mother's Day, Somewhere In The World...

AND! Tomorrow is my birthday! Thirty-Seven, babies! It's an auspicious age, numerologically. I checked, and I have more grey hairs and wrinkles and whatnot, sure signs of wisdom and general awesomeness. Last night I finally managed to have that bubble bath, after the Spa/Locksmith Fiasco of Friday. I have no special plans, really, but the week is young.

We've been having a really good weekend of getting things done, hanging out, watching DVDs, and not going anywhere. Cleaned out the garage, cut boys' hair, that kind of stuff.

Today, the sun is shining, and I am going to jump on the trampoline at least Thirty-Seven times, to celebrate!

Edited: Trampoline jumping is FANTASTIC pelvic-floor exercise! Be prepared to run to the loo a few times... And, I can still do a toe-touching 'Stretching Star Jump', impressing the boys like mad!

Today Was A Spa Day

I WISH!

Today began at 8.30 when I pulled the door shut, thinking "Do I have my keys? Uh-oh..." *CLICK*

No, WAIT! Today began at 6.42, when I thought "We have no breeeeaaaaad!" But that is such a minor crisis in the general scheme of the day that we can ignore it.

OR, my day started when I stayed up too late the night before, working on a newsletter layout and playing with Microsoft Publisher, and then I had a dream where Margo phoned and said "I'm lost!" so I had to find her... and then I woke up and couldn't sleep. I didn't even realise I was worrying about my Grandmother, see how useful dreams are?

At 8.30, I walked out of the house without my coat, because I go to Max's class to read, and hanging up a coat in all the drama of the first two minutes of school is just one more thing... and it wasn't very cold this morning. Hoodie weather. Spring is coming.

My keys were in my coat pocket of course.

No problem, I thought. Life will go on. I just won't be able to pop home after school and get my coat, is all. I went to Margo's straight from school instead, and she continued to tell me the story of her life. It's so interesting to learn about my Grandmother's life in such detail! Margo was a Cobbe, which is an unusual surname, and they weren't a huge family. One of these days I should look up the Cobbes online.

While I was there, Sharon texted to say that her doggie, Frodo, has passed away... he had been unwell, poor feller. A sweet dog. I haven't told the kids yet, as it's been all systems go. They will be sad.

And then, my friend Cherise came to my rescue and took me to lunch, (which was very nice!) until it was time for everyone to come home from school. Chas has keys and let us all in. See? No disaster.

The whole neighbourhood seems to end up here after school, which I actually love, because I like to know what the kids are into. (Lego, it seems. And apparently we've got the best Lego in town) I put the kids out early though. "GO HOME!" And prepared myself for that "Aaaaah, it's Friday" feeling and Five Minute's Peace. I filled a bath, with bubbles and candles and all, but I didn't lock the door because if someone HAS to go, I don't want to have to get up to let them in. And the boys charged in several times: "Mum! MUM! You have to SEE this!"
"Mmmmmm...."
"LOOK!"
"mmmhmm."
"She's ignoring us."
"Shhhh..."

My relaxing bath was having the opposite effect. Grrrr.

Then they had a wild game loudly all over the house, which ended in them locking themselves out of their room. There is no key for that one. Sigh.

So I hauled myself out of the bath, tried to pick the lock, and called a locksmith. Sir Locksalot the Gallant came to our rescue, and the boys shared the bill. (What, you thought *I* would be paying for their silliness? After they un-spa'ed my bathtime? I DON'T think so) The boys then took turns in my bath water, because it's a shame to waste a full hot bath.

Cherise says that this means "New Doors Will Open For You".

But what about my bath?

You Can't Take It With You?

Chas was enthusing about the Tallest Buildings in the world. He claims they are earthquake-proof. They are certainly beautiful, and their construction is an amazing feat.

It got us talking about buildings, earthquakes, the end of the world (The boys saw "2012" and loved the special effects, I told them about the major hoo-ha of December 31st, 1999) (you know how these suppertime conversations can get out of hand) and I asked them, "So. If the world was ending and you had ten seconds to run for your life, what would you take with you?"

Chas quickly said, "My knife". He's obviously thought about this. He's got the best penknife that his money could buy. He's ready for anything.

Sam said, "Both DSs, the chargers, and, um, the laptop." We ridiculed him mercilessly, of course, and described Sam, wading through the floods with his wet DS, looking for a plug to charge up. HE said, "AAAAH! BUT! What if it were an alien invasion?!?! THEY would have electricity." "Yeah, hope you have your UK-Alien plug adaptor with you!" we hooted. Cuz we are supportive like that.

When the hilarity died down, I looked at Max. "What about you?" I asked. He raised his eyebrows at me and said, VERY seriously, "The end of the world? I wouldn't take anything, just myself."

There was a moment's silence while we all thought about that. And I think I understand my kids a lot better after that conversation.

And me? I said I'd take my towel, to avoid the deadly gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. "Oh, wonderful, you're as bad as Sam. I'm not lending either of you my knife" groaned Chas.

I Just Don't Know Where To Begin...

So I'll choose a random point mid-way.

So I arrived at Margo's this morning to find her taking allllll of her pills out of their blister packs and sort of putting them randomly into the box that says 'Night' and the Day box, M T W T F S S... and I believe she took some, so I quickly HID most of the pills (ooh! look! I said, pointing, and when she looked I swiped them off the counter into my bag) and just left her with the DAY box, as per doctor's orders. With proper new doses. Then I wrote notes and stuck them on things, like, "Don't Touch! Nan will fix this!" and "I Love You!" and "I will be here at ten o'clock every day!" And she said "I have to take my pills", and I said "You did, see, the Friday box is empty" and she said "It's Saturday"... So there will be much old-people news in the near future. I left her with a plate of baked chicken and things, saying "I'll never be able to eat all of this", and me saying "That's okay, you can save some for later", and Margo proceeding to eat it all.

This is what happens when an old person insists they don't need help, you have to help them yourself while pretending not to.

So that's the old people news of the day.

In young people news, I am going to a Dave Matthews concert tomorrow!!! Squeeee!!!!!!!!

My sister and her husband are coming to baby(and old person)sit, and the boys are thrilled. They adore Ailis, and think that Dan is THE COOLEST. So they won't miss ME!

And really, that is all the blogworthy news here.

My Kinda Summer Camp

Suddenly, I'm getting emails and flyers through the door: Best Summer Camp Around! Sign Up Now! Limited Spaces!

There are Summer Camps for Sports, Crafts, Maths Enrichment, Turning Your Child Into A Genius, Guaranteeing University Placement, and Providing Lifelong Wealth And Happiness, and some for just for Keeping The Kids Out Of Your Hair for the Holidays (these are cheaper). I know parents who CANNOT BEAR the thought of having the kids underfoot for the whole summer and they are feverishly signing everyone up for Camp, ANY Camp!

We've only ever done Sailing Camp, because they love Sailing, and, um, I really don't mind having the kids (ANY kids)  home for the Holidays. It's cheap. We make a lot of mess, lie on the floor, argue, and read mountains of books. We go to the beach, and camping. We take in cousins and friends. We like it that way.

Any anyway, so far I've never found the Exactly Right Camp for my kids' specific needs. What I'd really like, and would pay good money for, is a Don't Interrupt Mum When She Is Having A Grownup Conversation Camp. With a course in  Remember To Hand In Your Homework and remedial Picking Up The Lego.

Baking and crafts I can deal with: It's just making mess with style, anyway. We're awesome at that around here. So I'm holding out until I get that flyer through the door: "Sign up now!" it will announce, "Intensive classes in short-term memory skills! By the end of our camp, your kid will remember what you just said! Additional course in interruption procedure: 'Is Anyone Bleeding?' and remedial Picking Up The Lego and Socks!"

If I'm really lucky, there will be a Parental Camp at the same time, where Mums and Dads can join Massage Classes. With optional Spa.

When those flyers arrive, I'll be sure to let you know.

Downs and UPS!

Be grateful I didn't write anything yesterday, my faithful internetties. Yesterday was One Of Those Days where you wake up, realise that it's your THIRTEENTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY and your husband is on the other side of the world. Look outside and notice that it's the first sunny day in a week but you have to stay in and wait for FedEx to deliver documents. Get call on phone and have upsetting conversation with someone you love and are worried about. Get call from Aunt to say that she will be an hour late because someone had thrown themselves in front of a train and she had to take 97 other trains instead (Gosh, I said, why would anyone jump in front of a train on such a nice day? Which made me think about what it's like to be really depressed and NO-ONE wants to think about that). Have another emotional phone conversation with another family member (Aside: it's like the young and the restless at the moment, and I know you'd love to hear the details, they make great gossip, but this is a story that will have to wait a generation or so before we can hang it out with all the other dirty laundry! Fortunately, I am not immediately involved or affected. Just saddened.)

Where was I? THEN the long-awaited documents arrived, I had a speedy Skype call with my Handsome (13 YEARS!) Husband and I rushed to a lawyer to have everything notarized, and rushed back to courier them back to Trinidad (This rushing took a long time, with lines and waiting). My sister was having a bleh day, and all I could advise her was to "Write it off. Take a good book and some chocolate, and call me in the morning." By nightfall, when my Mum called, I was so emotionally exhausted that I sounded wobbly and she got worried and asked me if I was feeling okay, and prescribed a multivitamin tonic. I went to bed early!

That was yesterday. TODAY, the sun is well and truly shining. It's T-Shirt weather out there! (well almost) Flowers are flowersing all over the place, yellow ones and purple ones, and little looking-down white ones, are those snowdrops? Everywhere you look, shoots are shooting and buds are budding. I went to school to read with my little readers, which I love, and then walked to the gym where I cross-trained and rowed. I felt zingy! Met my Aunt at the station, she is going to get Margo home from the hospital today. Went to the library, which I always love. Everywhere I went, people were humming and saying "Hello! Nice Day!" and getting into chats about happy things. Walked home, and on the doorstep was an acceptance letter: Sam has been accepted to Bournemouth Grammar School.

So I'm just in a fabulous mood right now! I'm dying to hear the school gates open, I'm going to run over there and do a dance of joy with Sam!

Edited: AAAAND now Chas has brought home a letter to say "We've identified your son as being gifted and talented in Science, Geography, Music, Art and Modern Foreign Languages." I tell you, this mama's arm is STIFF from patting self on back!